


do not go {where i can't follow}

by moegan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Reylo - Freeform, TROS fix it fic, i refuse to accept that ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22053382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moegan/pseuds/moegan
Summary: Isolation is what Rey knows best. It is the only thing that makes sense, now that there is a gaping hole in her soul where the bond used to be.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 49





	do not go {where i can't follow}

Isolation is the one thing Rey knows best, so it’s the only thing that makes sense to her when she falls back into reliance on her survival instincts. 

She tries the desert planet of her mentor.

The sand is all too familiar between her toes and in her teeth. The biting wind turns her cheeks to raw skin. The heat warms her whole body to a pink color, the flush on her cheeks fabricated from a sunburn.

It isn’t long before Rey remembers…she _hates_ the sand.

And she feels the green calling out to her, night after night, when the desert cold settles in, chilling her down to the marrow.

It takes a while, but finally, Rey answers. 

It is a siren song, reminding her of Han Solo’s warm smile as she took in the sight of a new planet for the first time. She can hear his voice ringing in her ears as she drives the Falcon towards a planet that screams brightly at her through the Force. She can smell the foliage through her connection with the life force of the entire galaxy; it calls to her with a voice as soft as the petals of an Anagallis flower. 

As her feet touch the ground and fresh blades of grass split between her toes, she feels a wave of nausea force her to her knees.

_Find me. Please, find me._

Rey covers her ears with her hands and pushes herself back to her full height. She winces at the familiar voice, tears surfacing in her eyes immediately while his words resonate in her mind. 

“You’re gone,” she spits, angry with herself for falling so quickly back into hope. Still, she searches frantically for even the muted blue glow of the Force somewhere in the distance. 

She sleeps in the Falcon with her staff tucked underneath a pillow. The low hum of the kyber crystal lulls her to sleep at night, drowning the voice reverberating in her head. 

Every morning she finds herself something for breakfast - either a fish from the nearby river or a little animal in the woods - and she cooks it just under the shield of the Falcon, sitting on a log and picking under her fingernails when she’s done. 

She thinks of how he might critique her, how he would despise the way she’s living. He means well, of course. Or rather _meant well_ , given he can’t _mean_ anything anymore. Even still, Rey swears that she can feel his heart beating in the background of her soul, pushing her forward each day with it’s strong song.

He starts to come to her in her dreams.

She decides to leave the green planet and find another.

–

This time it is blue.

Blue like his saber. Blue like his soul. Blue like his light.

All she can remember of him is blue.

Rey swallows thickly as she steps down from the Falcon’s steps to traverse onto the new planet, trying to shed her old skin like a reptile, moving on into the next step of her life. 

As soon as her feet touch solid ground, something buckles in the Force.

Her heart beats heavy in her chest and sweat beads on her forehead. Rey feels a throbbing at the back of her mind, pulsing like a heartbeat. She follows where the Force leads, beckoning her closer to the edge of the planet, closer to the blue sea. 

Her toes dip in when she hears his voice echo in the wind, “ _Find me. I’m here_.”

Tears fall down her cheeks just as they always do when she hears his voice calling out to her like a dream. She shakes her head and water falls from the sky. Rey falls to her knees, digging her hands in the sand, water up to her elbows.

“I can’t fool myself any longer,” she cries out to the ocean. Her eyes burn with saltwater, “No more tricks, no more lies. Please. I’m _tired_.”

And then it’s no longer blue, but black.

Hollow, cold blackness.

Rey has felt this before - on Ahch-To, when the deep called to her then. Master Luke admonished her for her flailing towards the sadness that ironically gave her hope. She should feel scared, frightened even, but all she can taste is the honeyed thought of home just against the tip of her tongue. It begs for her to swallow, to allow the warmth to seep into her bones. 

Instead, she meets the chill of the ocean. The tide rises and steam billows from the difference in temperature. Her heart hammers in her chest, eyes fluttering behind thin lids. Rey stands back to her feet, trousers soaked to her knees.

She remembers how she is supposed to be afraid of the dark, to scamper from it. Her limbs should be shuddering and her heart should be a block of ice in her ribs but all she feels is temptation and heat. 

Rey swallows drily, her mouth turned to sandpaper, and then she dives.

–

She isn’t sure how she can breathe under the water. Maybe that’s the Force too. 

Either way, Rey pushes herself until she gets to the part of the water that numbs her body. It brings her closer to the pulsing until her mind cannot focus, cannot feel anything but the Force overwhelming her, begging her to dive deeper.

Rey is afraid that if she dives too far, she may never come up for air.

Was this what Master Luke warned her about?

She does not have time to think because her fingertips brush over the hilt of a saber in the murky sand below. Rey’s fingertips wrap around the base of the saber and it is one she knows all too well - the cross-guard is unmistakable.

As both hands touch the hilt of the lightsaber, Rey is thrown backward against a jagged rock somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. The base of her neck cracks against the rock and her body falls limp into the sand.

A few bubbles part from her lips and then everything goes black.

–

“Foolish Jedi,” a voice murmurs, warm and gentle. “I suppose you’re not really a Jedi though now, are you?”

Rey feels her hair brushed away from her face and she wants to force her eyes open because she’s afraid she may be in danger, but her body won’t listen.

The voice is deep, rough from disuse, “I’m not sure how you found me. I’ve been calling to you.”

The voice is one from her dreams.

“Ben?” her voice cracks.

Rey wills her eyelids to open and she swears he is a dream. Or a nightmare.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he speaks, and she realizes his hands are against her neck and waist, just like the day he died. Tears spring to her eyes and Rey lurches forward, ducking her head into his neck. She will not take for granted their time, even if he is a figment instead of reality.

His arms wrap around her and he feels solid, but she won’t be tricked. He has been an imaginary thing in her mind for far too long for her to start trusting herself now.

“I’m here,” his voice echoes as if he were reading her mind.

Which, if she were to think too hard about it, he probably is. He’s been in her mind since the day he removed his mask and bared his soul to her. She grits her teeth and forces herself to look him in the eyes.

He is dark, but he is also light.

His clothes are all varying shades of black, and his eyes are deep, ebony to match his hair. However, the light in his irises, the hope in his voice - it all balances.

“I can’t take this,” her voice wobbles, but her hands find solid skin when she touches his torso. “This sick dream has turned into a nightmare and you haunt me. Can’t I be free of this pain?”

Rey’s words echo his from all those years ago - words he wailed to Han Solo before the flash of red and singed flesh filled the desolate air.

Ben looks over her frantically, as if trying to put together a puzzle she can’t quite see. He brushes the back of his palm over her cheek and she is reminded of the feel of his own skin under the pads of her fingers as he flashed her his final smile.

“Please, Ben,” her voice breaks. Rey sniffles and her shoulders shake.

He shakes his head, “I don’t know what to tell you, Rey. You found me. I thought you would be free of the pain that has clouded you since Exegol.”

“F-Found?” Rey echoes.

Her big, brown eyes look up at him like a confused animal and he has to fight back the desire to chuckle between his lips.

Instead, he nods, “Yes. I’ve been stuck in this, uh, this _world between worlds_ of sorts. I can’t get out - at least not alone.”

Once she understands, it’s as if her whole world has turned back right-side up. Rey’s beaming smile returns and Ben feels his heart expand in his chest so much so that he fears his ribs may hurt, but he doesn’t care.

“I found you,” she repeats, her hands on his cheeks now.

All she can think about is his mouth, his touch. She wants to drown in it, like she did the ocean. Her hand flexes, remembering the lightsaber.

“Your saber.” Rey turns frantically, searching for the weapon. She swallows before turning back to him, “When I touched it, that is what brought me here.”

Ben blinks one time too many before focusing back on her face again. He shakes his head, “No matter. It’s a relic of a dead man, passed away when you healed me.”

As if seeing him for the first time, Rey draws the tip of her index finger down where his scar used to be - where _Kylo_ used to be. The splitting of his soul in two.

“I didn’t even notice,” she murmurs, eyelids threatening to close with the nearness of him intoxicating her. She sighs and he chuckles just loud enough for her to hear him.

Ben is quiet for a moment, drinking her in slowly like she might disappear any second now. Rey does not break his eye contact, her soul unwilling to be apart from him again.

“I’m not sure how to get out,” he tells her, tone heady.

She watches as his lower lip trembles and she wonders what it would feel like against her own mouth. Rey looks around, breaking eye contact with him for a mere moment.

When her gaze returns to his, he’s instilled with a confidence he’s not sure he’s ever possessed.

“We’ll figure it out - _together_.”

It has been a long time since Ben Solo knew he could count on anyone other than Kylo Ren. 

He’s not quite sure when this scavenger dug her own hole in his heart, but he knows better than to push her away. Instead, he tucks her further into his arms, heart beating wildly against the fabric of his shirt.

“I like the sound of that,” he mumbles, eyes flitting closed as his lips find hers for the first time in too long.

Rey loses herself in the taste of his lips, the feel of his body. His arms are around her like a cage, securing her so she won’t fall apart again.

She’s not quite sure when trusting him became second nature, but she knows better than to push him away. Instead, she grips him by the collar and the jaw and bruises his mouth with her own.

And for the third time, Ben Solo and Rey work together to fight a common enemy.


End file.
